Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
