The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
