Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
