Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
