Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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