he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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