I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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