youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
