It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
