woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
