I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
