He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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