Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
