Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
