Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
