I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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