I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
