Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
