her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
