I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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