Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
