idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
