And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
