mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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