My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
