he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
