piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
