Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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