On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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