Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
