How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was confusing and full of hummus
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
