I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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