he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
