i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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