It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
