I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
