Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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