i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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