I'm so fucking centered right now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
