Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
