did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
