she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
