I just pynch a tree in the face
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
