I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
