tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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