Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
