In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
