is wine microwaveable?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
