...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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