Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
