why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I touched a dick in church today
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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