he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
