dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
