I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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