We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Houston, we have a blender
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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