We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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