Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
