On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
