You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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