I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
