I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
