And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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