Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
40s are totally the cure
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
