So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
