My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
