I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
