so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
