I don't think brook has ever known best
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
