i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize