I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
