I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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