I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
