Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
