im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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