Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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