You're so nebulous sometimes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
