I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize