I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
sick fucks of a feather flock together
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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