I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
its liver damage thursday
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