well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
smell my finger.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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