FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
