Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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