was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Let's get the cat blown out
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
