you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
