do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
