There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
